We all go through heavy moments in life. For me it’s been being a caregiver for my husband who lives with brain cancer. When I met my husband in 2015, he had already fought his first battle of brain cancer. He always told me it would come back and the research I had done said the same thing. Honestly, I didn’t believe it though. According to the research he should had been dead before I met him. According to the research he shouldn’t had been alive by the time we got married. But, according to the research he shouldn’t be alive now either so there’s that.
My education background is in crime and intelligence analysis. I say that because in the criminal justice world we use a term called ‘labeling theory’. Labeling theory indicates that society’s assigning of labels to individuals or certain groups can have an effect on their behavior. After I graduated with my master’s I ended up in the behavioral health field and now neuroscience. Labeling theory isn’t really used in the neuroscience field, but I think it still applies when you tell someone they will die in 3 months most will surrender to the timeline, while others seem to defy the odds.
I remember my husband told me that after his first brain tumor diagnosis he was told he wouldn’t live past a few months and that he wouldn’t make it to a surgery date. Then it was he wouldn’t survive the surgery and if by chance he did, he wouldn’t walk. The science said he had a 5% change to live up to 5 years. After 11 years later, the cancer did show signs of regrowth. You can see why as a researcher I struggled to believe it would come back as Andrew had already denied the science.
He eventually had his surgery in early 2021 and the first time I ever heard him ask about a timeline was in late 2021 after additional medical complications had arisen. His primary doctor told him he couldn’t give him that answer. He did say, ‘my best guess we do nothing 3 months we do something; you know better than I that you shouldn’t be alive today so I can’t give you that answer’.
As time went on more complications arose. In June 2022 we had an appointment with another medical system (who shall remain anonymous for reason I shall share one day in another blog). Andrew had lost his ability to talk. It was all on me to have these conversations and ask the questions. I reluctantly asked that doctor what he thought a timeline would be. He said, ‘if you are lucky 3 months but no more than that.’ He encouraged us to just focus on spending time with family and to not waste time seeking medical attention.
It’s been over 2 years since that conversation and now I use it as fuel for when people tell me to give up.
I’m sure you have had a hard moment too that you’ve gone through in life. Where you felt unsure or scared. Where others were telling you to give up or that you can’t. Your hope is your own to find. It’s okay to ‘be realistic’ and make plans but it’s just as okay to continue to hope. Don’t let anyone ever steel your hope.
If you have a story to tell I would love to feature you on Unbreakable Hope. *Insert podcast sign up link here*
With love and light,
Jessica-Rose
